Stepmother of the bride, and other wedding dilemmas

Photo credit: Depositphoto

“Do I need Botox? Will I be able to lose 10 kg before the wedding? I must remember to schedule highlights and gel nails.” I am officially the stepmom of the bride in three months. And with this comes a host of questions, because there is also a Mother of the Bride in place. How things should be done is slightly murky at this stage. 

To help me and many other Mothers of the Brides and Stepmoms, we are tackling wedding protocol in this month’s wedding blog, especially as it relates to parents, divorced parents, stepmoms and stepdads. And for brevity’s sake, we are calling the Mother of the Bride MOB and the Stepmom (SM).

As with all things bridal, we will start with the ‘Dress’.

1. THE DRESS

Specialists at The Pink Bride, recommend that the bride’s biological mother should choose her dress first and then let the mother of the groom know, so they can complement each other. Stepmothers (SM) are next in line and do not have to follow any dress code aside from simply not upstaging the biological mother or the bride. The magic word is ‘subdued’.

Photo credit: Davidsbridal

As a Stepmom the only ‘contact’ I have with the Mother of the Bride (MOB) is friendly, low-key Facebook stalking. We don’t Whatsapp and decided long ago that communicating via others is safer. Will I be checking my dress code with her? Nope. Should I swing my dress choice past the Bride? That would be a nice thing to do. Perhaps wearing a slinky red dress, would not be the correct choice for this occasion. However tempting that may be.

 d’Italia Bridal Couture has a refreshingly modern take and some wonderful tips for the mother of the bride/ stepmom in their article “Mother of the bride and groom outfit inspirations”.  In typical Italian, the word ’subdued’ does not feature anywhere. They highlight an often-heard complaint by the MOB: “As designers, we always hear that there is just nothing suitable or wedding-worthy out on the market. It’s quite common to find a selection of gowns that range from too-revealing, youth-inspired silhouettes, to old-fashioned and rather frumpy.”

Having recently trawled through a number of online stores Like Lightinthebox, Shein and Superbalist for inspiration, I concur. As a ‘50+interest’ year old, a revealing strappy dress will just not work. Muffin tops are a reality and the steady stream of Chardonnays left its mark in kilograms. Yes, at most MOB ages, our bodies are not perfect, and we need something to hide the flapping arms and wobbly bits.

 d’Italia Bridal Couture has the following solutions:

• Capes
• Classy and elegant
• Add a bit of lace
• Flowy fabrics
• The all-season jacket

 

CAPES

Photo credit: Lightinthebox

For the MOB who wants to add a bit of coverage, a silky or chiffon cape is ideal and can be wrapped around the shoulders and arms like a shawl. It adds a touch of formality to any outfit and for maximum elegance make sure it is long, and almost reaches the floor.

 

KEEP IT CLASSY

Photo credit: Via Pinterest

One of the most flattering styles for all occasions is the wrap-style dress. d’Italia Bridal Couture reminds us that  “a simple design should always feature an extremely good quality fabric, as that is the key to executing the perfect fit and look.” They recommend Satin crepe, silk faille, grace satin or queen satin to create the look. Mothers wanting a bit more coverage can always consider a ¾ length sleeve.

 

A TOUCH OF LACE

  

Photo credit: Lightinthebox

Lace has always been a favourite with the MOB and the trick is to keep it looking trendy without wearing it as grandma would. If you love the vintage look of lace but are not keen on a full lace gown, it can be incorporated in many ways – from an interesting neckline, as sleeves, as cuffs and a hemline – the options are endless and very flattering.

 

FLOWY FABRICS

Photo credit: Lightinthebox

As the MOB or SM it is probably frowned upon to wear a figure-hugging gown – remember the part about not upstaging the bride? Flowing fabrics are popular in georgette or chiffon with jumpsuits being very forgiving and elegant.

 

JACKET REQUIRED

Photo credit: Lightinthebox

Jackets are often made of lace to add a touch of elegance over the dress, but other suggestions from DÍtalia include gorgeous textured jacquard or brocade, plain silk or satin crepe fabric. Dresses often don’t have pockets (although dress pockets have become a trend lately), and wearing a jacket provides the opportunity for much-needed storage space for a tissue or lipstick. A mid-thigh length is recommended and creates the illusion of elongating the figure.

Pink Book Weddings created a wonderful Mother of the Bride Dress Pinterest board, with loads of inspiration. Click here.

2. SEATING ARRANGEMENTS

Seating arrangements at the chapel service and wedding reception depend entirely on the relationship between the bridal couple, parents on both sides and all the Significant Others (SO). The key to avoiding any embarrassing moments is to discuss the seating arrangements beforehand with all involved. If you do have a wedding rehearsal, this is the ideal time for all to get familiar with the seating plan.

 

Photo credit: Happywedding

For the wedding ceremony, the biological mother of the bride is seated closest to the aisle, in the front row. This gives the father of the bride, who will be walking the bride down the aisle easy seating access. The bride’s immediate family will be seated directly behind the mother of the bride/ her parents.  If the bride’s parents are divorced, the stepmother should be seated on the third row back in the second seat from the aisle. The empty seat to her right would be for the bride’s father.

 

Photo credit: Depositphoto

If all of this sounds just too complicated, have a friendly chat with everyone – it’s entirely possible to bury old issues and be civil, and who knows even friendly, for the day. If divorced parents really don’t get along, it’s best to seat them at separate tables at the wedding reception, the same distance away from the bridal table, at the reception. For some tips from The Pink Bride, click here.

 

3. FAMILY PHOTOS

Family photos can be tricky and time-consuming. Professional photographers know the drill and will be able to assist with all the combinations. When parents of the bridal couple are divorced and have new spouses (or not) it may be wise to separate the different groups. Or throw all caution to the wind and have one mass photo taken from a higher vantage point with all the family.

 

Via Pinterest

 

Brides.com has a list of family photograph tips in this article, and one of their top recommendations is to send the photographer a list of photos (and names) to be taken. This may seem like overkill right now, but on the day you will be thankful that you took the time to include everyone. Granny may not remember why she is there on the day, but you need to remember to include her, or forever regret the omission.

 

Drone footage while taking the official photographs is fun and is a wonderful addition to the standard photography. The key to family photos is to make sure everyone is included and who knows, a few glasses of champagne later and you may even be able to get the MOB and SM in the same photo. A wedding day is filled with love and magic, you never know what may happen…

 

 

She knows her Merlot from her Mojito, her hotel from her motel. From craft food to caviar, her innate curiosity about life and wanderlust provide inspiration for her blogs, articles and press releases about the travel, wedding and Spa industry. Over twenty years in the hotel marketing & PR arena with impressive hotel groups, from Dubai to Durbanville, has evolved into the pure enjoyment of freelance projects under the banner of About Branding.