Wedding rituals to celebrate becoming one
Becoming one in marriage is an exciting prospect and well-worth celebrating with a ceremony or visual representation of your intentions. With many weddings downsized due to Covid, the search for meaning within the wedding ceremony and celebration has intensified a millionfold.
Lighting a unity candle and hand-fasting are probably two of the most known unity ceremonies, but there are many fun ways to include your own history as a couple, your family tradition, religion and beliefs.
Wedding rituals to celebrate becoming one
1. Handfasting
We have a suspicion that the beautiful hand-binding ceremony in Game of Thrones has a lot to do with its popular comeback. When Robb Stark marries Talisa with this ritual and touching vows, we fall in love all over again.
The hand-fasting ceremony goes back to ancient Celtic tradition – way back to the 7000 B.C. Traditionally hand-fasting was intended to announce an engagement and tie the couple into this commitment for a year, after which they can reassess and decide if they still want to get married. This symbolizes their commitment to each other and this is where the term “tying the knot” comes from.
How is this done?
Many opt to cross hands, taking your partner’s right hand in your right hand and their left hand in your left hand. Traditionally three ribbons are used, around 1 – 2m in length, allowing for it to be long enough to bind the couple’s hands together.
“During the ceremony, the officiant begins by explaining the ritual and what it means to the couple. This statement often includes the notion of the couple binding their lives together and the union of their hopes and desires.”
“The officiant then invites the couple to join hands, which symbolizes their free will to enter into the marriage. From here, the officiant reads a series of vows as cords are wrapped around the couple’s hands. You could opt to use a separate cord for each vow, or twist or braid together a few cords and wrap them as one around your hands. Then, your officiant may make an additional statement about the completion of the binding and the commitment it symbolizes. After your hands are bound, you can proceed to exchange additional vows or use your handfasting as the vows you’ll exchange and move directly to the ring exchange,” according to Brides.com
The officiant then removes the knot gently and encourages the couple to keep the knot safely where they can be reminded of this beautiful moment and their commitment to each other.
2. Lighting a unity candle
Photo credit: theknot.com
Flames symbolise love and passion, and lighting candles and joining them together represents commitment and the coming together of two families.
Many Christians associate flames with the Holy Spirit and work that belief into their ceremonies. Still, you don’t have to be a believer to incorporate a unity candle ceremony into your wedding day.
Candle lighting is one of the most common unity ceremonies performed. The candle-lighting ceremony usually involves the couple lighting one large candle from two smaller family candles. Traditionally, the smaller candles are lit by each of their mothers, representing the merging of two families.
3. Wine pouring
Photo credit: ruffledblog.com
For lovers of wine, or ‘vinophiles’, this is a lovely ritual full of symbolism: The couple chooses a red and white wine and pours this from a carafe (or bottle) into one glass to create the perfect personalised rosé blend. Then, as a symbol of your love and unity, take turns to sip from the newly blended wine.
The similarities between wine blending and successful marriages are not lost and Thomas J. Miller from winemakermag.com could easily have referred to marriage when explaining the wine blending process:
“Professional winemakers are the first to admit that few stand-alone wines have all the characteristics of a perfect finished wine. “ (That sounds like two imperfect people meeting up and falling in love, right?)
“Blending lets them pick the finest characteristics of two, three, or even more wines, and marry them together for that award-winning flavour.“
4. Tea ceremonies
The Republic of Tea adds another layer to the wedding symbolism and suggests that partners chose a full-leaf tea before the wedding that they feel best represents themselves. They recommend: “During the ceremony, the couple will combine their tea leaves, steep the mixture as one, and sip together. This act symbolizes the positive contributions each partner brings to the relationship.”
Create small envelopes or bottles of your own ceremonial tea blend and give this to guests as wedding favours.
For a proudly South African blending ceremony for ‘dry’ weddings, Rooibos tea is a perfect choice. We are thinking of lovely blends of rooibos and honey, ginger or mint. Maybe a dash of CBD is required for health or frazzled nerves. Think of the qualities of the items you will be blending, how it represents qualities of you and your partner, and what you envisage for your future together.
For Chinese couples, the tea ceremony is a very sacred wedding ritual. Traditionally when hosting a tea ceremony, there are two separate ceremonies – one for each family. The Groom’s family is served first as a sign of respect, with the bride’s family to follow. According to the ritual, the Groom would fetch the Bride up early in the morning, then both of them will go to the Groom’s house to serve the tea for the ritual. To learn more about Chinese wedding tea rituals, click here.
5. Pouring Sand
Being so close to the beach makes this a super fun ritual. The bride and groom take turns to pour different colour sand into a vase to create their own work of art.
Blended families love this tradition – where a unity candle typically involves only the bride and groom, sand pouring is a creative process and allows as many family members or special friends to join in as you see fit.
Incorporate colour symbolism to personalise your sand unity vase:
- White: Purity, spiritual values, devotion
- Yellow: Harmony, balance, friendship
- Pink or Red: Love, passion, romance, happiness
- Green: Health, luck, prosperity
- Purple: Power, dignity, strength
- Brown: Nurturing, home and hearth
- Blue: Patience, tranquillity, longevity
- Silver: Creativity, talents, inspiration
6. Tree planting
For home weddings, which have become quite common during Covid, or outdoor weddings, this ceremony is really meaningful. America author Lucy Larcom is famous for saying: “He who plants a tree. Plants hope.”
The symbolism in planting a tree speaks for itself. Like a marriage, growing a tree requires nurturing, love and attention – with constant care it will in return provide shelter and beauty.
Take time to decorate the pot with inscriptions that are meaningful to you – perhaps your wedding date and a special quote. Place a large pot near the front of the ceremonial space. During the ceremony, the bride and groom then take turns to prepare the soil in the pot for the planting of the tree. Add pebbles at the bottom of the pot for drainage, layer potting soil and add bone meal and superphosphate for nutrition. Once the tree is planted, they can complete the ceremony by decorating the pot with shells or white pebbles.
Lemon trees (or any citrus varieties), Olive trees and fruit trees, in general, do well in pots.
Indigenous trees can be planted in a pot during the ceremony and then replanted afterward into the garden – Stinkwood trees, Yellowwood, Karee tree, Fever trees and Oak trees are ideal for this purpose.
This touching ceremony can be a constant reminder of the constant nurturing a successful relationship requires.
Some wedding rituals have deep symbolic and religious meanings. Others are quite frivolous and fun. But the common denominator is adding a deeper meaning to the newfound unity between the groom and his bride. The golden thread through all these wedding rituals bears simple pieces of advice – you are now a team and if you support and help each other grow, you will become tall trees amongst fields of weed.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
CHRISTA BADENHORST
